At this point, I have no idea why I spend anytime writing about what we think is going to happen at any given hearing. Almost every hearing we’ve had has gone the exact opposite of what we expected or were led to believe.
Yesterday’s hearing was no different.
As a fun, pointless recap, we were under the impression that the goal change/TPR hearing would more or less be used to ask the bio families if they would consent, and then set a trial date if they were going to fight. We never thought there would be any other outcome. Of course, we were wrong.
First, the good news. The female bio person of the boys is consenting to the termination. For now, this only applies to Pirate (this will become clear in a moment). She will have roughly thirty days to change her mind. For some reason that have not yet been made clear, visitation will continue during the thirty day thinking period, and apparently will decrease after that. This is opposite of what we were told, which was that if she consents, visits immediately stop. Oddly, the bio family was also under this impression, as the spent their most recent visit two weeks ago saying goodbye to the boys and saying they won’t see them again until they turn 18. Now (and this is really, super awesome), Pirate has to go back to visits after he dealt with the trauma that visits were over. We’re very happy that she consented to the termination. Even if she changes her mind and decides to fight, it won’t change the outcome, it will only delay the inevitable. We really wish there were no more visits, but that’s not up to us.
Now, Little Man. His portion of the hearing could not have gone more poorly. We assumed his male bio person would fight. However, the judge didn’t even change his goal. Instead, there is a renewed push for overnight visitation. It appears that the judge wants to see how those go before she decides to pursue a goal change. Because the male bio person still has a shot, the female bio person’s voluntary termination only applies to Pirate, as Little Man’s case is almost like a custody battle between bio people at this point. More about the family member’s criminal past came to light and it is scary. Of course, maybe there is more to this story than our caseworker was able to tell us and that additional information may put our minds at ease. For now, it appears to be another example of the county not actually caring about the child’s well being.
Before the hearing, we were starting to like our odds. We know we’re always at a disadvantage by virtue of not being the biological family. But when the overnight visits for Little Man hadn’t started before the goal change/TPR hearing, we thought that might have been a small victory in our favor. Now, it appears the male bio person will keep getting extra time until he stumbles into having these visits start again.
Eighteen months. Our sons have been in the foster system for eighteen months. For Pirate, that time appears to be nearing the end, hopefully. For Little Man, there is no end yet, one way or the other. The county seems content to let him hang in limbo, giving enough time and chances to the male bio person that it would be nearly impossible for him to fail. Today, we feel like there’s no chance Little Man stays with us. He may for the next few months, but if this male bio person keeps getting extensions and chances granted totally unwarranted, then he’ll eventually succeed. Today is the most defeated we’ve felt in a long while. We are celebrating that we’re one step closer to adopting Pirate, but grieving that the court seems hellbent on returning Little Man to a bio family that doesn’t deserve him.
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