Once again, there are been quite the gap in between updates. For the four of you who read this, our sincere apologies. Why so long between updates? Well, a few reasons. Mostly, there were a couple big moments in the works. Previously, we’ve sometimes jumped the gun on announcing big moments, so we decided to wait until things were more or less official. But more on that in a bit. Some individual updates first.
Let’s start with Baby Sis. Her case is still very much unknown. There was a potential father who was thankfully ruled to not be a match (I say thankfully because, in our opinion, he would have stood a very strong chance of getting her). At this point, we do not know who her biological father is. That could have a big impact on her future, as any father will likely be given a full run of chances to gain custody. As for her bio mother, we found out something potentially helpful to us. We learned that the bio mother had a previous child adopted away from her. She fought the termination and subsequent adoption. This is relevant because it impacts any future children she has in the system. Had she consented to the termination, she would be afforded the full set of chances if any future children entered foster care. But, when a bio parent fights the termination, future cases are labeled “aggravated circumstances”. This means that the judge on the new case could either move straight to adoption or they could still pursue reunification, but with a much shorter leash. Right now, we’re kind of waiting to see what our judge will decide. On one hand, the bio mother seems to be making progress in the programs she’s in. However, she has begun missing numerous visits. We’re hoping her history (one child adopted away plus another 2-3 children whose custody belong to their father), along with the missed visitation, could convince the judge to decide it’s only a matter of time before she fails and thus move to adoption. For now, though, we’re hopelessly in love with her. She the prettiest doll baby and definitely the princess of the house!
Little Man’s case is still… well, we don’t know what it is. Danielle and I have very different views. She is, thankfully, the eternal optimist. She still believes that he will end up with us, that it’s only a matter of time. Me? Well, I’m the resident pessimist. At times, I’ve more or less concluded that his days with us are waning. I see our county caseworkers dismissing every concerns we have and the hearing officers ignoring obvious warning signs, and I can’t help but feel that it’s more or less been decided. But then...we get a new county caseworker. She is the first county caseworker (since our original one left a year ago) who actually listens to us. It’s a minor thing, but she made me repeat different facts so she could make sure she was writing them down properly. Our last couple caseworkers (on the very rare occasions they would come to our home) would spend more time blatantly ignoring us and talking to our dog than they would listening to the disaster conditions Little Man was going to. Granted, this caseworker is coming on very late in the game, and it may very well be too late to reverse the damage done by the previous workers and the hearing officer. But, for the first time in a long while, I feel like there’s hope. We have a hearing today downtown. This means it’s in front of the main judge instead of the hearing officer. While we trust the main judge’s judgement more, she has the power to make every major change. We don’t anticipate reunification to happen today, but she would be the only one who could do that on the spot. So, as much as we hated going before the hearing officer, there was a certain comfort in knowing he could only do so much. We do know that our attorney and the county caseworker will be pushing to stop at least the daytime visit midweek. The bio father got a new job recently and is actually hardly present of the visits. The midweek one specifically, he is never there; Little Man spends time exclusively with his bio grandfather and his girlfriend. So, there will be a push to end those. Unfortunately, he now goes Friday through Sunday for visits as well. Predictably, these are going fairly poorly. But poor conditions aside, what concerns us the most is how Little Man’s behavior has changed since the visits got increased. He has become a lot more aggressive at daycare, but only on the days he returns after a visit. Coincidence? Perhaps. But we’re hoping the documentation from our daycare can help sway the judge. So, at this point, we don’t know what to expect anymore. We do know that today’s hearing really feels like a “line in the sand” moment. If the judge sees our concerns as merely minor offenses that don't impact his well being, then we will have to accept that Little Man will likely be moving away from us. But, if she starts chipping away at the privileges the bio father has been given, then there might be some hope again.
And now, Pirate. He's been great! He loves first grade. He actually has the same teacher as kindergarten, whom he loves. He's just a regular, happy six year old. But what else has been going on with him? Oh, you know, just getting ready for his ADOPTION!!!! Back in August, all bio family rights to him were terminated. Remember when I mentioned Baby Sis’ bio mother did not consent to the termination? Well, Pirate’s mom did, perhaps to set herself up for success with future children. However, despite her consenting, she was still given 30 days to change her mind. She did not decide to appeal. So, after getting various legal things in order, we have an adoption date of November 21st! Of course, knowing our luck, there’s always bound to be something that comes up last minute to delay it, but at this point, it looks like every detail is in order for adoption. We are so excited. Excited doesn’t even begin to describe our feelings. His adoption date will be two days after the two year anniversary of the boy’s time with us. It feels great to close out on of our kids. Obviously, it’s bittersweet that we’re not adopting both boys at the same time. But, still, we will celebrate this like we’ve never celebrated before. To go along with his adoption, Pirate has selected a new name (first and middle, to go along with our last name). He’s been going by this name since the termination. Soon, we’ll reveal it along with plans for a big adoption party.
Most of you know how long this journey has been. We’ll keep fighting past the point of reason to keep all of our kids safe and loved with us forever. We’re so blessed to be officially adding one to our family for now though. Thank you to everyone for all the support and love and prayers over these past two years.
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