As always, we only seem to update when something major is on the horizon.
Little Man’s case has taken many turns since we last provided an update on him all the way back in November. At a hearing in November, it came out that the bio father was once again letting someone live with him, a person who didn’t go through the clearance process and was living there without the knowledge of the county. After trying to hide this and lying about it during the hearing, the father was forced to admit that it was true. This is was the third time it was discovered that he was letting people live with him. As a result, the judge suspended all visits until the home could be assessed yet again to determine no uncleared people were living there. Additionally, since the bio father wasn’t even present during some of the visits (he was at work), there would be no more weekday visits and just the weekend overnights (pending the re-approval of the home). The visits stopped for about three weeks, which was a fantastic reprieve. Once the overnights began again, all of Little Man’s bad behaviors returned at daycare, behaviors that miraculously stopped when he wasn’t seeing his bio father. Visits continued until the beginning of the new year. At that point, the bio father told the agency caseworker that he moved back in with his father but that the county said it was okay to do the weekend visits there. Because this was during a holiday weekend and we were unable to contact the county caseworker, the agency cancelled the visit until they could confirm with the county. Turns out, the bio father wasn’t telling the truth, yet again. So, for another 2 or 3 weeks, there were no visits until the county could re-approve the bio grandfather’s house and all that lived there. As all of this was happening, our lawyer basically told us (off the record) that she thought the favor of the judge had shifted towards us considerably. For a judge to stop visits so late in the process was a good sign for us. As each incident built, we began to grow more confident. This all was leading to the TPR hearing for Little Man. They did the initial TPR part last month, at which point the bio father said he would contest the termination (which we expected). You might remember that Cooper’s bio mother did not contest, so that process was remarkably different. Before the contested TPR hearing could take place, the bio mother had her lawyer file a motion asking for all visitation with the bio father to be supervised. This was all based on her accusation that the bio father was very roughly disciplining Little Man during visits and left bruising. Given that the bio mother hasn’t seen Little Man in over 9 months, we didn’t feel great that this would be enough for the judge to grant the motion. Still, we hoped that the ongoing issues with visits and Little Man’s aggressive behavior stemming from the visits would help sway the judge. Turns out, the judge ended up granting the motion in the face of flimsy evidence (the bio mother didn’t phone in to testify so really nothing was presented other than her lawyer saying it happened)! We were pretty surprised but certainly not complaining! So, instead of ~42 hours of overnight and unsupervised visits each weekend, Little Man only has to see his bio father for 3 supervised hours once a week! We were blown away at how drastic the cut in time was. Our lawyer spoke to us after and said that this could very well be a solid indicator as to how the judge will rule at the contested TPR hearing next week. Again, to slash visitation so much and so close to termination really bodes well for us. We’re trying to not get too confident, but all the signs point to us being able to adopt Little Man! Of course, the bio father will appeal the potential termination. However, our understanding is that it would take a grave mishandling on the judge’s or county’s part for a ruling to be overturned. Our judge is very meticulous and well respected, so it would be very rare for an upper court to reverse her decision. After saying for the last 29 months that all I want is an answer on Little Man’s case, now…? I kind of don’t want to know. The termination should go in our favor. But if it doesn’t? Then I don’t want to know. As awful as living in the void of never knowing is, it’s better than the possibility of reunification. Even still, we’re hopeful, yet cautiously so, that we will be celebrating a new official Garso before the year is over!
Baby Sis’ case has been very slow to develop. We were scheduled to see her hearing officer judge sometime last fall. However, the judge fell ill and took a few months off, which resulted in virtually no movement for several months. When we finally have gone back in front of the judge, some slow, minor changes have taken place. Which, honestly, is probably how this is supposed to work. We, of course, got a bit disillusioned with the process after the hearing officer on Little Man’s case made some very quick and aggressive changes that shocked all the lawyers and caseworkers. So, perhaps it’s fair to say that Baby Sis’ case is actually proceeding as it should. Most recently, visits increased by a day and will become unsupervised daytime visits next month (pending completion of a parenting course). This stage of the process is very difficult. On one hand, unsupervised visits (and, eventually, overnights) can signal a step towards reunification. However, as we’ve seen with Little Man’s bio father, these increased visits and “freedoms” are where he began to really fail. That is to say, once the training wheels came off and no one was there to hold his hand the entire way, he couldn’t manage all the responsibilities of being a full time parent. So, while we hate to see things move in this direction, it could be giving the bio mother the rope she needs to hang herself. As for the bio mother, she so far is doing everything she needs to do. She’s meeting or even exceeding the county’s goals up to this point. However, she is going to soon add going to school on top of a full time job, so we wonder how she will balance adding a very active baby girl to the mix. We definitely feel very nervous about the future of Baby Sis. At this point, the bio mother is on track to get her back full time. But again, we once assumed Little Man’s days with us were numbered, so it’s hard to count anything as a certainty.
Cooper is doing great! We have begun to realize that he is feeling jealousy towards his siblings for their continued placement in foster care. Where Cooper once had an endless stream of caseworkers and court dates and visits, now he has none of that. And while even he knows that that is a good thing ultimately, it is probably a little rough for a 7 year old to see so much attention poured into his younger siblings. We’ve tried to adjust our routines to make the time the younger ones are gone at visits feel more special for Cooper. He seems to have evened back out and is back to his super hyper, happy self!
There you have it. Hopefully we’ll be writing another hugely celebratory entry in just a few days. Prayers and good vibes until then.
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