Our Growing Family.

Many of you know that we had our first two foster children at the end of October (H, a 14 month old girl and V, her 5 month old foster brother). We only had them for a little over a week, as their regular foster parents were on their honeymoon. They were wonderful children who we foolishly fell in love with. It's was a super easy week. For me, the biggest dilemma was trying to decide whether or not to wake V up one night around 10pm to watch Jurassic Park for what I assume would have been the first time. (No, I did not wake him.) (Yes, I regret it). It's instincts like these that really tell me that, yes, I am ready to be a father.

But this blog isn't about those kids (even though we love and miss them!). This entry is about the two kids we have had for the last week (and will continue to foster for the foreseeable future). They are half brothers. The older one, "Pirate" (which he insists is his middle name, which rules), turns five early next year while Little Man is almost 7 months old. Little Man is very easy and happy, only crying when he needs something. Pirate has been a challenge. His first night was awful, to say the least. It was a fight to get him to bed in one piece. I'm sure any parent of an almost five year old boy will just roll their eyes at us for getting upset at this behavior. But, this was different. He seemed almost possessed. One moment, he would be cuddling us, the next he would be punching us and screaming right in our faces. The way he flipped back and forth was nerve wracking. It was so bad that we actually called our agency the next day and told them we weren't sure how long we could keep them. We committed to giving it two weeks to see if improvements could be made, but couldn't commit for longer than that. That was the worst phone call I've ever made. In preparing to become foster parents, we tried to prepare for all the emotions we thought we would face. Namely, we prepared for falling in love with kids, only to have them removed and placed back with their biological family. But we never once prepared for the feeling of us being the ones who asked to have kids removed (granted, we've been preparing for babies and toddlers, not almost school age children). Thinking that we couldn't handle these kids and having to give them back was horrible. We both broke down and cried, feeling like the biggest failures. We felt that if we ended up having to ask to have these boys removed from our home, we would be failing the kids, the agency and all of our family and friends who believe so much in us. It made us question whether we were fit to be parents. Easily the darkest moments of this fostering journey thus far.

However (and thankfully), the child that we had the first couple days is not the child we have now. Pirate is totally different and is such a loving and incredibly intelligent child when he begins to open up. We don't know their full history before they came to us, but the more we learn the more his behavior makes sense. Their mom hasn't had a steady home, which lead to them living with a series of family and friends. And in their short time in foster care, they've already been in a handful of homes. As my grandfather was quick to point out, with a background like that, Pirate doesn't know who or how to trust, not even his own emotions. We've learned that he is the type of child that craves structure (something we doubt he had much of before). When a routine has been developed and followed, Pirate is the happiest child imaginable. As their stay with us has progressed, I'd like to think that he is beginning to trust us. He has told us multiple times that he really likes staying with us and that he wants to stay for a long time. Last Friday, after Danielle tucked him in and as she was walking out of his room, Pirate said, very softly, “I love you”. That makes those awful days worth it. We have a long way to go with both of them, but it's extremely encouraging to see what an influence we can have on a life in just a week's time.

The boys have a court hearing this coming Monday. It is a continuation of a previous hearing. We do know that there has been some family that has said they would like to take the boys. It has been implied to us that these family members are not the most promising candidates, but that doesn't always mean much. We've been told that, sometimes, the county/judge might take kids out of an excellent foster home and place them in a mediocre biological family home. It may not make sense, but we knew this was the case going into this process. Hopefully, after that hearing, we'll know more how their future with us.

It has been a trying week, but luckily there have been way more ups than downs. I know we've both said this on here and elsewhere before, but you don't know how much the support all of you give us means to us. Those first couple days, I know we both read over all of the encouragements and votes of confidence left on Facebook, this blog and the countless texts we received. They really mean the world to us and remind us that we're not in this alone. Most of you haven't met these boys but we know they're so loved by you already. We really love all of you and thank you so much for you prayers, love and encouragement.