So you have heard Tim's point of view
on our trials with losing our first opportunity to have the baby boy.
As a woman I am going to tell you a little more...
It stinks!! Having your heart set on
the possibility of becoming a mother then someone taking away that
opportunity without any explanation was almost unbearable. I would be
lying if I said I didn't have an emotional break down when we heard
“there was a change in the case” which ended up being that the
other family was chosen without us ever being interviewed. No matter
how much you try to prepare yourself for losing a child, it hurts.
After all of the tears, frustrations and questions, the only thing
that remains is Hope.
I will never fully understand why God
placed this child into our hearts without ever seeing him, we were
attached. I have struggled over the last few weeks trying to figure
everything out. To be totally honest I think God was trying to show
me that I can't always have control and that I need to trust Him. I
prayed countless prayers and I kept asking Him to do what is right
for our family but deep down inside I thought that the little boy
was meant to be ours. Now, I have come to the conclusion that I need
to have faith that He will place a child in our lives in the right
timing. When everything seems to be falling apart they may actually
be falling into place. This is what bring me Hope!
One of my friend's posted a picture on
my Facebook wall that reads” The Pain that you've been feeling,
can't compare to the Joy that's coming. - Romans 8:18” If that
doesn't give me hope, nothing will. God is in control, I just need to
let go and leave it in His hands.
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